Random Thoughts

1. The movie version of Popeye is awesome. We rented it the other day and I fell in love with it all over again. Robin Williams is perfect as the muttering smart ass sailor and Shelley Duvall was born to play Olive Oyl. Top it off with a cute baby, great songs and a fun storyline and you've got a fantastic movie viewing experience.

2. I still love Oliver Platt.

3. I realized I never dance in the grocery store anymore. :: pout ::

4. My husband has great legs and an adorable butt.

5. I am terrified about getting into a swim suit tomorrow to go swimming at my brother's apartment. I'm as fat right now as I was when I was 9 months pregnant with Charlie. Sheesh. I need to get some exercise!!

6. I can not stand Boyd Coddington's show American Hotrod on the Discovery channel. Everyone on that show is either a nutjob or a jerk. Especially Boyd.

7. I think Mikey Teutel from American Chopper, also on Discovery Channel, is cute. Though I'd never want to admit it.

8. I'd love some ice cream right now. Really... so, um... would you go get me some?

If ever I need a self-esteem boost, I just log on to Yahoo! Messenger under my alter ego name. I won't say what it is, but I list my occupation as the Queen Goddess of the Boobie Republic. Needless to say, I get quite a bit of male attention. The thing that really makes it fun is that most of the fellas are BBW lovers. For those of you not in the know, it means big beautiful woman lover... ie: they dig the fat girls. These guys are the best for boosting a lagging self image. They actually love the flab and big butt I get so down about. The things that make me feel like crap, unattractive and unsexy, are the things they are looking for. These are the things that turn them on and they aren't shy about saying it. I will never understand this attraction. I don't understand my own husband, who prefers plus size gals to skinny ones. I don't find it attractive at all, but thank God he does. And thanks to all the fellas out there who feel the same way and always manage to make me smile at their drooly, tongue out worship of my plush figure. You really make my day.

You're Still Fat, Now You Look Like A Sausage

Have you seen the infomercial for the Slim 'n' Lift contouring undergarment? You know, the miracle girdle that is supposed to whittle your figure down several inches, make your clothes fit better, make you look like you don't weigh 300 pounds. The commercial shows woman after woman, looking sad and frumpy, lumpy, bumpy and stuffed into too tight clothes and pining away for a miracle solution to her problem. Forget diet and exercise, put on our granny girdle! We can fix all your problems if you only squeeze your fat dimpled ass into our spandex!!

The before and after pictures are ridiculous. The women are obviously sticking out their guts, wearing clothes a size or two too small, and using the world's worst posture. In the after pictures they are standing up ramrod straight, wearing supportive bras, and their clothes are still just barely big enough!

Having been a fat girl most of my life and being guilty of wearing these types of spandex contraptions myself, I think it is so sad for these women in this commercial to be acting like they just lost 50 lbs. by putting it on. At worst, they make you feel like you are being squeezed to death, give you a big fat roll that spills over the waistband, and can give you the worst case of camel toe in history. At best, these things give you a little tiny bit of wiggle room in too tight clothes by squishing all your fat into a smooth sausage like shape. They smash your ass into a very unattractive flat pancake and the pantylines are visible from space. So I have to laugh my ass off when they have a hugely obese woman put the thing on and then rave about how much slimmer she looks and feels. How she is just amazed at how great her clothes fit and how she can go out and wear anything now! Whatever!

From one fat girl to another...Baby, you're still fat. Get up and do some sit-ups or buy some bigger pants. Forget the sausage panties.

I woke up this morning... you were on my mind...

Recently I have found nothing more intimidating than this little bit of blank screen here. I have been trying for days to come up with something to write about, never quite being able to convince myself to just up and do it. You see, I think about you, the reader, and what it is that you would like to read here. I know my site will never be as witty as 7's, where many of you come from. I have to deal with that in our everyday life too. 7 is always the big loud witty center of attention. I'm the half-terrified, hiding in a corner social retard who throws out the occasional quiet zinger.

So when it comes to picking topics to write about I have a very hard time. Generally I write about the kids. Everyone likes stories about kids, right? We have great kids. I like to tell people what they are doing or saying at present. Kind of makes up for my lack of keeping a current baby book. I can refer to this when my kids ask how old they were when they were first talking or something.

Occasionally I will make a very PG statement about my sex life or lust for my husband. I just don't feel right blogging about sex in the same place I talk about my kids. Although, without it, I wouldn't have the kids. I also censor myself since this is connected to 7's blog and I don't want people who know him professionally or something to be reading about his awesome oral skills or anything. Ya know?

"So why don't you write about yourself?" you ask. Well, I've never really found myself very interesting. So attempting to pick through my daily activities to come up with something to write about is just an exercise in futility. I've also noticed a general decline in my writing the longer I stay home with the kids. I have such limited contact with new people that I am just going dull. Arrgh.

This is my dilemma. I am trying to come up with something neat for you guys, and when I reject all my own ideas, end up writing nothing, and thus fail in my original goal. So when you come and see the same old blog sitting there day after day, remember that it's due to my trying to put out a quality blog and working with very little material. It's all for you.

I'm so dizzy... My head is spinnin'

So I woke up the other night at 2 a.m. from a dead sleep ready to hurl. I felt so sick to my stomach and the damn room wouldn't stay still. I swear it was swirling around me. Shifting and turning like some kind of crazy carnival ride. I tried to get up to walk and fell against the wall. I made my way through my tilting bedroom to the top of the stairs and called down to 7, "There's something wrong with me!"

Once I was downstairs I figured out that if I moved my head to the side there were like movement ripples that continued after I quit moving. I imagined it would make the sound the 6 Million Dollar Man did when he ran. I proceeded to sit on the couch clutching my puke bucket while 7 tried to call the 24 hour nurse line for our insurance. For some reason it was busy for over an hour and a half. I finally decided to go try lying down again, only to find the sensation increased tenfold when I closed my eyes. After stumbling to the bathroom in a great hurry, I went back downstairs. We eventually got through to the nurse who instructed us to go on over to the emergency room.

Once I was back in the ER they told me to go ahead and lay down since it was going to be like an hour before I was seen due to a shift change. Since lying down was the last thing I wanted to do I just sat there and stared at the walls. Eventually I got an IV put in and the doctor saw me and diagnosed me in about 2 seconds. I told him what I was feeling and he goes, "You have vertigo. Don't worry. I know it's a terrifying feeling, but you aren't going to die." I was really feeling more like puking than dying at the moment so I had to giggle. Either way, they gave me some meds that made my hands and feet feel funny and made me talk like I was majorly drunk. I had to keep clenching my fingers and toes to stop the sensation and it made me look like I was a drug addict or something, twitching and slurring all over the place. I was still having trouble with my balance too. Walking to the bathroom was an ordeal. The poor little nurse was worried I was going to keel over and insisted I get in the wheelchair when I came out.

The day after we went down to LA to see Callie and her sorority compete in the annual Greek Week Lip Synch competition at ULV. I had noticed shortly before we left Bakersfield that my left arm where they had put the IV was a little sore. As the day progressed, I noticed more pain and some red lines creeping up my arm where the vein is. By about 10 p.m. I was having trouble holding things with my hand and my arm was sore three-quarters of the way to my elbow. After dinner we called the 24 hour nurse line again and I was told I was "astute" to have noticed the stinging pain, soreness and junkie-like trackmarks decorating my arm. Sheesh, makes you wonder about the nurses they employ to answer the phones there. So we hurried back to Bakoville and to the ER again. They took a quick look at it and gave me some antibiotics. I saw the nurse who had put my in my IV in the first place working on the patient in the bed behind me. My new nurse asked where I had gotten the IV done. From behind me came a little voice saying, "I did it." The new nurse didn't hear, so I told here I had come to this ER for it. "Who put it in?" the new nurse asked. "I DID!"said the voice behind me much louder this time, "But Gracie had her after I did. She must have screwed it up."

So long story short I'm feeling much better. I've only got a little bit of tenderness left in my arm and random minor bouts of dizziness. Both should be gone soon. Thanks for asking.

Conversations With Oliver (Part 2)

Scene- Eating ice cream one night. K sees Oliver getting brainfreeze.
K: How ya doin' there Ollie? Ice cream too cold?
O: I want you to blow it so it can be warm.
(Kayla and 7 about die laughing)

Scene- Oliver is holding a little bowl.
O- What's in there?
K- Take a look.
O- DOLLARS!! CHING!!

Scene- Putting on Oliver's new cowboy boots.
O: I can't get this boot on my foot. You need to help me.
K: Do you want me to put it on?
O: No, I'm going to do it. Push up my pant sleeves for me.

Scene- Standing over me one morning on my bed.
O: (Flexing his muscles) That's what guys do. That's what big guys do. They have strong muscles. But I don't have any muscles! (pouting)

Scene- Later the same morning.
K: So did you dream?
O: I dreamed of Spiderman and Darth Vader.
K: What did they do in your dream?
O: Darth Vader gave me a bouncy thing. It's called a frog thing. He's from Star Wars. Do You remember Star Wars, and R2, and 3PO, and Luke Skywalker, and Chewie?
K: Yes, I remember.
O: I fought Darth Vader when I was Spiderman, in my Spiderman costume, and he said,"Nooooo!" And I said," What? Cat got your tongue?" and he said,"No!" and then he just hanged there and talked to me.

Scene- Driving in our car to LA.
O: I was thinking.
K: What were you thinking about?
O: I was thinking... What do you think about juicy pops? I think they are juicy. Juicy, juicy like juice. Like juicy pops.

Scene- Still driving in the car in LA
O: (out of the blue) We're secret agents guys.
7: Oh really?
O: This is our secret agent car... Because we're secret agents.

I've been cheating on my husband with a big blonde guy. At first I felt bad about it. It was strange having him in my house, kissing him, looking over and seeing him in my bed. I didn't want to look at him because it gave me an odd feeling. I also notice that people have been giving us strange looks when we go out together. I don't know if it's because they know what my husband looks like, or if it's just that a big guy with white blonde hair and facial hair and a purple haired lady make an odd combination. Either way, I like him a lot. He's funny and sweet, gets along well with my kids, makes a mean pot of chili, and tells me I'm cute. I do miss my tall dark and handsome hubby at times and getting used to making out with a golden boy was hard, but it's a little exciting too. That's probably why it's appealing. A little something different to shake things up. I do expect my husband to come back to me soon though. He just needs to get a bottle of hair dye and banish Sven the Nordic blonde to take his place back in my heart.

So I've been having some trouble lately with a pulled muscle in my back. It goes right across my rib cage and makes most movement, including breathing, very painful. Last night was one of those nights where it decided to rear its ugly head. I spent most of the evening writhing painfully before my muscle relaxant and Tylenol-3 kicked in and I passed out for the night. I woke up to the sound of the phone ringing and, being unable to roll over quickly, groped for it behind my back. I didn't bother to open my eyes, put the phone to my head, said hello and when I didn't hear anything, went to hang it back up. It took me a few seconds to get the damn thing back in the cradle right and then I passed out again. Later when I spoke to my mom I asked her if she had called in the morning. She said she had, and that she was sorry for calling so early and that she felt bad for waking me up. She said when I answered the phone she hear me saying hello very faintly and then a lot of fumbling and then nothing. Apparently in my drugged and groggy state I had put the wrong end of the phone to my head, then when I couldn't hear her, hung up on her.

Conversations with Oliver

Kayla: (Upon noticing him playing with a pot lid and an action figure) Whatcha doin' Oliver?

Oliver: I'm banging Darth Vader. I'm banging myself. Banging yourself is not a good thing. It's a bad thing. I banged Darth Vader... He's dead."
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Kayla: Do you want to be a punk rocker Ollie?

Oliver: How about a graham cracker?
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Kayla: Lightsabers don't go in your butt!

Oliver: heehee
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Oliver: What did Daddy say?

Kayla: He was talking about a car he saw. A Pontiac.

Oliver: Potty rack? What's a potty rack?
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Oliver: Does Charlie have a pageena?

Kayla: A what?

Oliver: A pageena... you said she had one. Not a penis.
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