Random Girl Strikes Again

All things wise and wonderful... and some really dumb... and mostly random

Monday, July 26, 2004

This blog is dedicated to all those people out there who had an unrequited high school crush. Here is the embarrassing and retarded account of mine.

 
It was freshman year. I was sitting in my algebra class trying to be as much of a non-entity as possible, when my friend (let's call him Matt, since that is his name) came over to my desk began telling me really cheesy jokes. After about a minute one of the fellas sitting near me started to comment on it to his friend. "He's always over here at her desk talking to her and stuff. I think he likes her or something," he said, much to my chagrin. "Is this true Kayla? Does Matt like you?" queried his friend in a not-so-much-of-a-friendly-inquiring-kinda-way-so-much-as-a-looking-for-a-way-to-embarrass-you-type-of-way. "I don't know," I mumbled. "He's always over here acting dumb and stuff." At which point Matt clams up, gives me a look, and goes back to his desk.

And that was it... my magic moment. With the little seed planted by those weenie guys, I was head over heels in love.

So for the next 4 years I was love sick and dopey. I wrote horrible poetry. I analyzed and reanalyzed every comment he made to me, every look, every sigh. I joined activities I never woud have if Matt  hadn't been in them. I had it bad. We had two overnight meetings for an activity we were both involved in called Academic Decathlon. Both times we went, I stayed awake almost all night just to watch him sleep. One year we were there I wrote this terrible "stream of conciousness" type poem about how much I wanted to fix the holes in his socks and sew up his backpack. Oy!

Now that I've told you how braindead and loopy I was, I'm sure you can relate to the awfulness I went through when I had to sit through every conversation about the girls he liked, the girls who didn't understand him, the girls who did him wrong. All the time I was sitting there all I could think was "WHY NOT ME?!?" The worst it ever got was when we went to a birthday party for a mutual friend at our local park. Matt met a girl who struck his fancy. She had been throwing up shortly before he decided to go make out with her in the ball field. So I, being the ever mentally stable person I was then, decided to punish myself for being so awful that a perfect stranger who had been throwing up was a better choice than myself as a makeout buddy, by slashing the hell out of my wrist with a soda can. Worry not, it wasn't serious. Mostly just deepish scratches but it hurt like a mother.

Senior year came to a close. Matt signs my yearbook with something along the lines of "We've both meant more to each other than either of us will ever admit." What the hell?! Anyways, I went off to college and continued to write him letters and email all that first year with him replying and coming to visit me at home at Christmas. After that he dropped off the face of the earth and I didn't hear anything else about him for about 4 years, by which time I had scoured the internet and found the man of my dreams and married him. I was pretty much over Matt by then... heehee.  I spoke to him about a year ago and in my inebriated state told him about my crush on him. He claimed to have been oblivious. I don't know how... everyone else I knew was very aware of it.

So as you know if you bother to read my blog at all, my reunion is coming up at the end of this week. Hopefully Matt and is lovely wife Lori will be there. Also hopefully, he won't have read this and told his wife about it. I'd really have to die of embarassment. Oh well... I plan to drink before going, so maybe after a few cocktails there I just won't care even if it is brought up.

So there is my tale of love and woe. I hope yours is just as goofy and makes you feel as stupid as mine does.  




Friday, July 23, 2004

Ok... Friday night, kids are asleep, and what are we doing? We've each got a computer on our lap and are bored to tears. I'm reading other people's blogs and 7 is playing mp3's of Liberace and the disco version of the Star Wars Theme. We need serious help.

I think I broke my foot. A few weeks ago the kids kept falling on my foot while it was lying sideways on the floor. Each time it would make this awful cracking noise and I'd screech and boot the lead filled little one off. So now it is just sore all the time and occasionally makes me want to cry. 7 thinks I have a hairline fracture in my instep and that I should go to see the doctor. I feel like a schmuck because I just had an ultrasound on my left boob this week to check out a lump where Oliver fell on me with his elbow. I feel stupid going to the doctor saying that my children caused me major injuries. I can't help it that my 2 yr. old weighs 38 lbs. He's a big tall hefty boy. He's also very prone to tripping and falling on mommy. Charlie likes to headbutt me and has busted my lip more times than I can count. So I guess I'll wait and see if my foot gets any better or if it turns black and falls off. And hey, I can always drink to dull the pain.





SHOP TILL YOU DROP  
  
My high school reunion is less than 10 days away. I am shopping shopping shopping for THE outfit to wear. You know the one... it makes you look younger, thinner, more busty, less busty, more curvy, less hippy, hides those flaws and lumps, gives you oomph where you  lack it. THE outfit makes you more knowledgeable of current events, political platforms and books currently on the New York Times Bestsellers list. THE outfit can erase all those stupid things you did in your past that people used to taunt you about in high school and make you into the person everyone wants to be seen with! That outfit. So far I haven't found it.
 
Part of my problem is that I'm not quite sure what "semi-formal" includes. I was originally planning on wearing a cute little top and some jeans with nice shoes, but that is too casual. I don't want to be overdressed and come in something that looks like a bridesmaid rejected it. 
 
Mini-rant: Why do they make so many fat girl dresses with thousands of ruffles and weird asymmetrical hems and layers and layers of gauzy stuff? Like people are going to really think the dress is fluffy instead of your body. Fluff over fat just makes you look more enormous!! 

I'm really just looking for something that I can be comfortable in and that at least looks pulled together. I would like it if my clothing didn't cause me extra cause for concern that night. I'm looking for a dress. Black is good. Red is good. Simple and comfy is fantastic. If I had time I would look into just making one. I did that for my brother's wedding when I was a bridesmaid. I was pregnant at the time and nothing at the stores seemed to fit right. So I just whipped up my own dress, and I'll be damned if it didn't turn out great. It was beautiful and so much more than I ever expected that I would be able to make.

I need to start going through the pictures I have of my kids and picking which ones to take with me. I know it's cheesy, but I'm so proud of these little boogers that I can't help but show them off. I can't take them with me, so pictures will have to do. I wish we were having like a picnic too so that those of us with children would have a chance to bring them along. As it stands now, I will pretty much be sitting and talking to people, hopefully, since I don't dance. At least with my kids there I would have something to keep me busy.

Ok, I told 7 I was going to get online for a few minutes once the kids were asleep and that was about 4 hours ago. I should go get some sleep and rest up for... you guessed it... more shopping!!









Thursday, July 15, 2004

Who's a girl gotta screw to get laid around here?

So I'm trying to get 7 to go upstairs and take advantage of me and he insists I blog. I guess he is really tired of reading the same sucky blog I left lying around the other day. I wanted to take a moment to apologize for that, by the way. I was trying to watch the Jimmy Kimmel show and write at the same time and it just didn't work. He does this thing on Fridays called Unnecessary Censorship that I just love. My poor overworked brain has too much going on to be able to formulate a witty blog and enjoy juvenile smutty humor.

I've decided to go ahead and post a picture on my profile for the school website I frequent. I won't bother putting the link because I doubt many people who read this went to high school with me. Anyways, I thought it would be a good idea to include a before and after pic. I used one of my cheesy model shoot pics as my after shot. I hope no one thinks I'm using it as a serious picture. I couldn't do my makeup like that to save my life, nor would I ever try to do something so "Glamour Shots" anyways. I'm lucky if I get a shower each day.

"Whiney bitch I hate you. Die c*nt snivel."- Random quote from 7 when he turned the TV to that retarded show "Starting Over."

I declared today that all I would eat for the rest of the month would be salad and slimfast. I broke my own resolution about an hour later when I smelled the stir fry I was making for 7 and the kids. I have no will power. Or maybe I just have gotten to the point where I realize that it doesn't really matter what I look like at the reunion, people will think whatever they want about me and I ought not care. Or maybe I just like good food. I think it's the last one. French fries and ice cream call to me. Right now a package of cheddar wurst are whispering to me from the fridge. I can feel the pop of the sausage skin and hot cheesy juice pouring into my mouth as I think about it. Sounds like the Paris Hilton video I just watched. Only she didn't swallow.

Oh crikey... The censor is on vacation tonight. I usually put quite a gag on myself when blogging because I know certain family members read this and I wouldn't want them to ever think I was some awful person who liked sex or had a naughty sense of humor, or who said things that were horrible or whatever. I have often thought about starting another blog where I can really just say whatever without having to worry about that. Only then I know for sure that no one would read it. A lot of my readers come from 7's site via the link he has there.

"Are you writing about my sexual prowess? ARE YOU PUTTING THAT IN?!?!?! YOU SUCK!!"- 7

Is Jeremy Piven gay? I sure hope not. Not that there's anything wrong with that. He's so cute. I wanna just keep him in my pocket and take him out to pet once in a while. You know, he was in one of the greatest movies ever. I speak of Grosse Point Blank, which was partially filmed in Monrovia, where I used to live. In one shot with John Cusack and Jeremy Piven, you can actually see the corner where my apartment was. Lots of stuff is filmed in Monrovia actually. Have you seen the cute Pepsi commercial with the hot dog girl and the Pepsi can boy falling in love? That was filmed there. I have stood on those corners many many times. I get homesick every time I see it.

Yeah, it is a big fucking random ass blog. Whatcha gonna do about it?!? Time for some schweet luvins.... get upstairs ya big weenie!

Saturday, July 10, 2004

Sitting at home of Friday night by myself...

Once again 7 is out of town. I don't mind the fact that he has to go out of town, I mind when something extends the trip unexpectedly. He was supposed to be coming home to me this afternoon but something came up and I won't see him till tomorrow sometime. We had planned to go over to storage again to get more stuff ready for the yard sale the 17th. We made a pretty good dent in it last week when we went. I'll just be happy to get the storage unit cleared out and get our stuff in a much smaller and cheaper unit.

So 7 thinks my blog would be more interesting if I did it like his and picked a topic and expressed my opinion. This came after a conversation where I said I think my blog is boring and can't figure out why anyone would want to read it. I thought about changing my format but then realized, I don't have any opinions worth expressing on any good topics. I have a lot to say about the public use of bad grammar, people who litter, typos, rowdy kids at the McDonald's indoor playground, snot, and my retarded body issues, but I don't know how much anyone would want to read. I mean, I could rant about the fact that I'm a college educated woman with no marketable skills. I went to an employment agency once and they laughed at me after they looked at my typing test results. I can type quickly but do tend to make a lot of mistakes as I have trouble not looking at the keyboard. I always go back and fix them, but the way the typing test is set up once you move past a word, you can't fix it. So whatever.

Thursday, July 01, 2004

By the way, the Barenaked Ladies is the best band ever!!!!! Just in case you forgot.
The Sleeper has awakened....

The kids are taking their afternoon nap so I have a chance to blog. I was trying to blog the other night, but kept having problems. I think I figured out part of the problem. I was using the laptop on my lap and had it sitting on a pillow. I should have noticed something was up when my wrists began to burn where they were touching the keyboard. I attribute the freeze ups to the fact that I was overheating the poor thing. I'm sure 7 will love reading that.

So I've had no underwear for the past 2 days. Somehow in the course of doing the household laundry, I managed to forget to wash anything of my own. I try to make 7's work clothes and the kids' stuff first priority, followed by towels and bedding, with my own clothes bringing up the rear. Speaking of rears, I don't want anyone to think I was running around with no chonies on. I wore my swimsuit bottoms yesterday and this morning while I waited for my laundry to get done. I mean, if you really want to think of my naked butt, you can, I won't stop you. But you should get some professional help.

I took Charlie to the doctor yesterday. I really don't like her pediatrician very much. For one thing, she can't seem to remember that Charlie is a girl. She is sitting there reading the chart and keeps calling her "he" even though I keep saying "she". I'd finally had enough and said, "She is a girl. Just so you know." This woman is so annoying. She doesn't answer half of the questions I ask her and seems to be baffled by the simplest things. I asked about Charlie's belly button again (she has a pretty prominent outtie due to an umbilical hernia) and said it fills with liquid when she is particularly active. She looked very confused and says, "Fluid? Where?" Well, I thought we had covered that already when I said it the first time. She was similarly confounded by a little rough spot on the baby's back. She asked me if it itched, then looked at a red spot on Charlie's back where I had been holding her and decided the two were the same thing. When I insisted they weren't, she told me to lotion it. Great medical advice, no? So I'm thinking we're going to change doctors. The office is about a half an hour away too and I'm not fond of having to wake the kids up really early to make a 9:00 appointment out there.

7 is coming home tonight. I'm very happy about that. We've had to spend so much time apart lately that it feels like it did when he was living down in LA and I was up in Bakoville with the kids. At least we get a 3 day weekend together thanks to the 4th of July. I know 7 is going to want to sit and relax but I'm going to make him work. We've got a few important home improvement projects to do. We've got to get the shelf up in the kitchen, the cabinets in the bathroom and the new faucet installed in the kitchen sink. I am going nuts trying to rinse the dishes when the space between the sink middle and the faucet are about 4 inches apart. I keep getting things squashed against the faucet and then spraying water all over myself and the kitchen. If you knew me really well, you'd know that I have a strange quirk about getting wet. I really hate the sensation of being squirted, splashed, or sprinkled on if I am not either in the shower or swimming. It just makes me crazy. So for me to have this happen on a regular basis just because I have a retarded faucet is too much. We also need to get over to our storage unit and get the stuff pulled out that we are going to sell. We need to get a much smaller unit for the things we are going to keep and paying $100 a month for a lot of empty space is silly.

Anyways, back to 7 coming home. He won't be getting back till later tonight so I'm not going to worry about making him a fancy dinner or anything. Oh hell, who am I kidding. Any time I cook it's a big event. I am going to give him a really great surprise though. Sleeping kids who aren't in our bed. He gets to come home and sleep in a bed not littered with kicking, wiggling, crying, headbutting toddlers. And who knows, I might even get to snuggle with him before one of them wake up!

Speaking of waking up... I hear the thump thump of Ollie's not so little feet upstairs. Time to go back to being Mommy.