Random Girl Strikes Again

All things wise and wonderful... and some really dumb... and mostly random

Saturday, May 21, 2005

You're Still Fat, Now You Look Like A Sausage

Have you seen the infomercial for the Slim 'n' Lift contouring undergarment? You know, the miracle girdle that is supposed to whittle your figure down several inches, make your clothes fit better, make you look like you don't weigh 300 pounds. The commercial shows woman after woman, looking sad and frumpy, lumpy, bumpy and stuffed into too tight clothes and pining away for a miracle solution to her problem. Forget diet and exercise, put on our granny girdle! We can fix all your problems if you only squeeze your fat dimpled ass into our spandex!!

The before and after pictures are ridiculous. The women are obviously sticking out their guts, wearing clothes a size or two too small, and using the world's worst posture. In the after pictures they are standing up ramrod straight, wearing supportive bras, and their clothes are still just barely big enough!

Having been a fat girl most of my life and being guilty of wearing these types of spandex contraptions myself, I think it is so sad for these women in this commercial to be acting like they just lost 50 lbs. by putting it on. At worst, they make you feel like you are being squeezed to death, give you a big fat roll that spills over the waistband, and can give you the worst case of camel toe in history. At best, these things give you a little tiny bit of wiggle room in too tight clothes by squishing all your fat into a smooth sausage like shape. They smash your ass into a very unattractive flat pancake and the pantylines are visible from space. So I have to laugh my ass off when they have a hugely obese woman put the thing on and then rave about how much slimmer she looks and feels. How she is just amazed at how great her clothes fit and how she can go out and wear anything now! Whatever!

From one fat girl to another...Baby, you're still fat. Get up and do some sit-ups or buy some bigger pants. Forget the sausage panties.


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