Random Girl Strikes Again

All things wise and wonderful... and some really dumb... and mostly random

Saturday, April 03, 2004


I've been in a bad mood today. Bad enough to make 7 actually ask me to like him. I guess I wasn't being too nice to him or something. I get in these funks every now and then and it pretty much gives me a perma scowl for a few days. Everything makes me crabby and mean spirited. A lot of it this time is worry about money, getting our taxes done, and getting moved.

Yesterday I drove down to LA for my bankruptcy hearing. I had to go by myself as 7 was working and my folks were watching the kids for me. I got lost as usual, but no biggie. So I met with the lawyer and the trustee and answered all the questions. Now I just wait to see if they grant my petition. Talk about feeling like a loser. I'm not even 30 yet and I've fucked up my credit so bad that I had to declare bankruptcy... a giant nasty black mark that will be on my credit for 10 years. I get really frustrated about it when I think about what I would have done differently had I known this was going to be my fate. But what could I have done so differently? We both had jobs when we bought the car. I was using birth control when I got pregnant, twice. I guess we just got a tough batch of cards dealt to us at first and hopefully things will be better in the future. Maybe we just weren't meant to live in LA. Maybe the universe was telling us that by sending all this crap our direction. Who knows. I sure don't. I have very few answers for anything at all. I have spent most of my life just floating in the current and getting pushed towards whatever was there.

About the only active move I've really made was dating 7 long distance. I could have easily just kept dating the fella I was already dating when I met 7. He was nice enough. But there was just something about 7 that made me change course. And now he drives me crazy! I swear, somedays I just wanna run screaming out of the house and not come back. He must be deaf, because I know he's not stupid. And even he has said he has perfected the art of laziness. This is a man who can't seem to carry his dirty clothes 5 feet to put them in a laundry basket. Instead he methodically builds the most disgusting mountain of fetid socks and oderific underwear right next to the bed. The worst part is that the fan blows right over it and bathes me in its lovely aroma all night. But he just can't seem to make it that 5 feet.

He also can ignore an obviously poopy diaper, a screaming child, or something like the garbage overflowing onto the floor for a week with impunity. It's only when I say something, quit doing the 18 things I was already doing, or yell at him, that he lifts his eyes from the hypnotic light of the tv screen and says, "Oh, I'll get that in a minute." This usually means one of two things; he'll get up and go hide in the bathroom till he is reasonably sure I've done it or forgotten about it, or that he'll go back to watching tv and then ignore my hostile stares and angry huffing in his direction until it's time for bed, then declare how very tired he is and pass out. Neither of which work for me.

Ok, so it's a rant about 7 kind of day. I told you I was in a bad mood. I'm hungry... I think this diet is making me grouchy because I'm always hungry. I don't like to cook and there just aren't any low carb convenience foods.



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